Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
