He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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