I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
