In the future we'll all be gay
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
