Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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