he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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