Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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