I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
