dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize