my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can I color on your dick again?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
