It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
