I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
