What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
