did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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