That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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