Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
