Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
