Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
