At least make sure they are 18
Why
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
