As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
