Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
