I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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