are you so shy because you have an std?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
