i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
