whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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