Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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