if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
