this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
