Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
