Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
