please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
