I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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