Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
