my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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