i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
