No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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