i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
