Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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