It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
