I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
