You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
