I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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