Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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