I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
