Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
