We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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