You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
