Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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