Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
