The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
