Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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