just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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