Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
