I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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