Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
