I'm gonna have a badass scar
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
