cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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