I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
