I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
