i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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