I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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