Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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