My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
