From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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