those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I had to cum in my sink.
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