You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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