I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just threw up on my dentist
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
