How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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