i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
