There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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