Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We need a shit load of segways right now
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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