I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
