Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
