I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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