Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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