I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize