At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
