Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
