I'm gonna have a badass scar
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
