I think my vagina is haunted
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
