Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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