the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
