dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
