New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
