okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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