Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
did you just send me my own nude
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