i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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