am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
