nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
