i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
