addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
