I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
