I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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