Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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