He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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