Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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