i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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