PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize