I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
