she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize