what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
