Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
