just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
