i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Two words: blizzard sex
Drake has all the answers
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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