at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
