I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
