My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
