Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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