So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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