oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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